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LobsterThe Joy of More Hogwash

  1. (Oh No, What Shall We Do?) Daddy Lost His Head In A Coup (look here for the origins of this odd tale)
  2. Fuss Me
  3. Plug’n’Play
  4. Love Power (Blagman/Hartig)
  5. Land of Nod
  6. She Still Thinks (That We’re In Love)
  7. The Joy of More Hogwash
  8. Everybody Is Very Nice(The Future’s Positively Radiant)
  9. Every Little Thing(Lennon/McCartney)
  10. Cheap Trick
  11. Round and Round We Go (What Does Matter Matter?)
  12. Her Daddy Was a Dalek, Her Mummy Was a Non-Stick Frying Pan (and this is what she looked like)
  13. It’s Elementary
  14. Stop The World(I Want to Get Off)

Lobster(Oh No, What Shall We Do?) Daddy Lost His Head In A Coup

Oh no what can we do?
Daddy lost his head in a head in a coup
but he left me the money - between me and you
it'll be all right all right

Oh no what shall we do?
thanks one million for helping us through
we're in terrible trouble, it's too late to sue
it'll be all right all right

My daddy was president until he came undone
his time it came and went
we found your name in his official papers
if he had his say, we know that he'd consent

Oh no what can we do?
Daddy lost his head in a head in a coup
but he left me the money - between me and you
it'll be all right all right

Oh no what shall we do?
woe is me we're sure it is you
I know you'll help us get through
it'll be alright alright

One freezerful of tasty titbits
and some dodgy diamonds found behind a fridge
among the furs I found some worthless papers
and some dirty pix, I'll mail them unabridged

Oh no what can we do
Daddy lost his head in a head in a coup
but he left me the money - between me and you
it'll be all right all right

Right now the money is hot
do you want it or not?
so send us a little, we'll send you the lot
it'll be alright alright

Like presidents the whole world over
he would haggle till he got a good discount
he left his money in an foreign deposit
it's a staggering sum it's a significant amount

Oh no what can we do
Daddy lost his head in a head in a coup
but he left me the money - between me and you
it'll be all right all right

LobsterFuss Me (Gordon/Almgren/Andersson)

You can touch me everywhere
run your fingers through my hair
rummage through my underwear
see what you find

You can call me day or night
say I’m wrong when I know I’m right
forget my name by some oversight
but I won’t mind

All I wanna do for a day or two
I wanna be fussed by you
all I wanna be is fussed endlessly
I wanna be fussed by you

Don’t need a plane we can take a bus
there’ll be more time for the two of us
we can go direct or be devious
we’re not in a rush

Whatever you do
please don’t make a fuss
it’s all about
the two of us

Whatever you do
all I wanna do for a day or two
I wanna be fussed by you
all I wanna be is fussed endlessly
I wanna be fussed by you

All I wanna do for a day or two
I wanna be fussed by you
all you wanna be for a day or three
you wanna be fussed by me

Whatever you do
please don’t make a fuss
it’s all about
the two of us
whatever you do

All I wanna do for a day or two
I wanna be fussed by you
all I wanna be is fussed endlessly
I wanna be fussed by you

LobsterPlug’n’Play

Well hey hey hey
it’s what they say
if you don’t plug
baby I can’t play

Well hey hey hey
let’s you and me run away
but if you won’t plug
baby I won’t play

I know it’s all about connections
but I got techno indigestion
I better sit down with the manual
I got the know-how of a spaniel
a cockatoo could do it better
so could my mum but i won’t let her
just gotta sort out all the cables
then I’m empowered!
baby I’m enabled!

Well hey hey hey
it’s what they say
if you don’t plug
baby I can’t play

Well hey hey hey
let’s you and me run away
but if you won’t plug
baby I won’t play

I can’t rock I got no access
I wanna pay off my back taxes
but I can’t see the way ahead
and now my monitor is dead
baby I can’t feel the power
I’ve got the might of a chihuaha
well I would if I was I was able
I can’t install it
my connection is unstable

Well hey hey hey
it’s what they say
if you don’t plug
baby I can’t play

Well hey hey hey
let’s you and me run away
but if you won’t plug
baby I won’t play

My browsers beating me
it’s not compliant
my email client
is downright defiant
I can’t explore and I can’t look out
I can’t understand what the fuss is all about

I wanna come to terms with the new technology
but I ain’t got no degree in psychology
you plug it in here and you plug it in there
and still the damn thing don’t work

I swear I’m gonna take my hardware
shove it up your software
don’t care never got nobody nowhere
I missed the universal serial buss
if this thing don’t work
you can forget about us

Well hey hey hey
it’s what they say
if you don’t plug
baby I can’t play

Well hey hey hey
let’s you and me run away
but if you won’t plug
baby I won’t play

LobsterLove Power (Blagman/Hartig)

Love power
I’m talking about love power.
the power of a sweet flower
is gonna rule the earth.
and there’ll be a great rebirth.

Talking about love power

Love power
I’m talking about love power.
the power of a sweet flower
is gonna rule the earth.
and there’ll be a great rebirth.

Talking about love power

Love is a flower that is fine.
when I’m walkin’ with my darlin’ and we’re holding hands,
and life is fine, ’cause she understands.
walking down the sunny street
givin’ pretty flowers
to the people that we meet.

And I give a flower to the big fat cop,
he takes his club and he beats me up.
I give a flower to the garbage man,
he stuffs my girl in the garbage can.

And I give it to the landlord
when the rent comes ’round
he throw it in the toilet
and he flush it down.

It goes into the sewer
with the yuck running through her,
and it runs into the river that we drink.

Hey world, you stink!
ah, man it’s later than you think
girl you got just one more chance.
come on baby, while I dance.

Talking bout love power

Love power.
I’m talking ’bout love power
the power of a little flower

LobsterLand of Nod

In the land of nod things are fluffy and pink
it’s always earlier than you think
the days are fine
and the nights are even better

There is no poverty no distress
nothing is ever in a terrible mess
holidays are long
there’s nothing wrong with the weather

Everything’s rosy
everything’s fine
I’m living in the land of nod
everything is heavenly
it’s too divine
living in the land of nod

The lights are out in the land of nod
but I’m not alone, all on my tod
minorities are well reprepresented

And everything’s normal, nothing is odd
that’s why I like living in the land of nod
disagreements are unprecedented

Everything is fabulous
all of the time
I’m living in the land of nod
no reason to feel covetous
cos everything is mine
I’m living in the land of nod

Everything’s rosy
everything’s fine
I’m living in the land of nod

Everything is heavenly
it’s too divine
living in the land of nod
everything is fabulous
all of the time
I’m living in the land of nod

No reason to feel covetous
cos everything is mine
I’m living in the land of nod
living in the land of nod

LobsterShe Still Thinks (That We’re In Love)

It’s a vicious game
it could drive a man insane
or a woman too
oh baby even you

It’s a world
of turtle doves
of long white gowns and evening gloves
she believes that
when push comes to shove
she still thinks that we’re in love

Get into my car
we won’t drive very far
and that I guarantee
you can rely upon me

Well many people say my word is my bond
this is a harley, baby, it ain’t no honda
she feels safe well heavens above
she still thinks that we’re in love

Well it’s a state of mind
where the blonde lead the blind
and your inside leg
is a powder keg

LobsterThe Joy of More Hogwash

Oh, not more guitar wizardry
that hits you in the gizzard
when you least expect it
it leaves you wrecked in a blizzard of notes
with a flurry of quotes
and a handful of lines you can use in your biog
and it ain’t no crime, I do it all the time
and it’s not for the dosh
it’s all for the love of the joy of more hogwash

The joy of more hogwash
the power of the bish bash bosh
oh gosh, it’s pop tosh
the joy of more hogwash

Oh no, there went flower power,
look at me ma I can fly
I’m a fruit I’m a vegetable
god I feel terrible, maybe there’s
something in the brown acid
hold up now – it’s all gone flaccid
so much for macho
look out – here comes punk
are you looking at me, you swine?

The joy of more hogwash
the power of the bish bash bosh
oh gosh
it’s earwash
the joy of more hogwash

Oh no, it’s the same old junk I saw an hour ago
on the late night show
they were the next big thing
way back when
now we know they’re yesterday’s men
its a brave new world with such things in it
who cares if we win it, it’s not for the dosh
it’s all for the love of the joy of more hogwash

The joy of more hogwash
more joy of hogwash

LobsterEverybody Is Very Nice (The Future’s Positively Radiant)

Everybody is very nice
they all play together like
cats and mice
I love your latest
its too divine – you haven’t looked so good
for a long long time

The future’s positively radiant
from here on it’s a downhill gradient

Everybody loves you
it’s what they say
and they really mean it
at least for a day
your wardrobe’s to die for
and your hair’s so chic
you’re on top of your form
you’re at your peak

The future’s positively radiant
from here on it’s a downhill gradient

Everybody is very sweet
they all dance together leading
with the same feet
now don’t be a stranger
when next in town
just call up
but don’tjust come round

The future’s positively radiant
from here on it’s a downhill gradient

LobsterEvery Little Thing (Lennon/McCartney)

When I’m walking beside her
people tell me I’m lucky
yes I know I’m a lucky guy
I remember the first time
I was lonely without her
yes I’m thinkng about her now

Every little thing she does
she does for me yeah
and you know the things she does
she does for me yeah

When I’m with her I’m happy
just to know that she loves me
yes I know that she loves me now
there is one thing I’m sure of
I will love her for ever
for I know love will never die

Every little thing she does
she does for me yeah
and you know the things she does
she does for me yeah

When I’m walking beside her
people tell me I’m lucky
yes I know I’m a lucky guy

Every little thing she does
she does for me yeah
and you know the things she does
she does for me yeah

LobsterCheap Trick

Well baby I don’t mind
if you’re unkind
but I draw the line
at falling in love

You led me to believe
there was nothing up your sleeve
but nowhere did I read
about falling in love

It was such a cheap trick
you hit me with your big stick
it was a cheap trick
to make me fall in love

Now I’m not spartacus
so let’s forget about us
what’s all this
fuss about falling in love

I expect they will erect
a monument to my demise
I left the cake out in the rain
it will never be the same
to my surprise I was
felled by teenage drama
too much teenarama

It was a cheap trick
I discovered real quick
it was a cheap trick to make me fall in love

It was such a cheap trick
you hit me with your big stick
it was a cheap trick to make me fall in love
it was such a cheap trick
I discovered real quick
it was a cheap trick to make me fall in love

LobsterRound and Round We Go (What Does Matter Matter?)

Don’t wanna learn about sciences
or domestic appliances
I really don’t care where we
go when we die
seems to me
it’s clear to see
we got other fish to fry

Round and round we go
what does matter matter?
bugger off C P Snow
what does matter matter?

Don’t understand biology
or where we derive etymology
if you’re gonna get mathematical
time for me to take a break
gonna take a sabbatical

Round and round we go
what does matter matter?
bugger off C P Snow
what does matter matter?

So what if it’s touch and go
who cares about the Heaviside layer
I can watch it on video
and say I was a good taxpayer

Don’t care about ozone or sanity
not too keen on humanity
don’t care about much cos it’s
much too late don’t hold me up
don’t help me out while I asphyxiate

Round and round we go
what does matter matter?
bugger off C P Snow
what does matter matter?

So what if it’s touch and go
who cares about the Heaviside layer
I can watch it on video
and say I was a good taxpayer
round and round we go

LobsterHer Daddy Was a Dalek, Her Mummy Was a Non-Stick Frying Pan

She’s not like the other girls
she lives in another world
she does things very diff’rently
I put it down to no gravity
leading direct to depravity

I met a girl from Cirius B
she was seriously in love with me
but her daddy was a dalek and
her mummy was a non-stick frying pan

She looked pretty good to me
life’s tough for tripeds apparently
she had no scruples of any kind
that was the furthest thing from her mind
she was so fed up with her own kind

I met a girl from Cirius B
she was seriously in love with me
but her daddy was a dalek and
her mummy was a non-stick frying pan

We began our interplanetary love affair
in an atmosphere of argon, love and neon
I thought our love would last for ever and a day
in fact it barely was a week, much less an eon

Her folks were fairly hospitable
they found the earthling permissible
but her brothers were otherwise
they felt our union was unwise
they filled her mind with their evil lies

I met a girl from Cirius B
she was seriously in love with me
but her daddy was a dalek and
her mummy was a non-stick frying pan

We didn’t plan it but our orbits intersected
we circled for a while till I was suddenly ejected
cos her daddy was a dalek and
her mummy was a non-stick frying pan

LobsterIt’s Elementary

I love you
I want to declare you an expense
like postage and packing
it’s only common sense

I’ll give you all of me
reluctantly
so here’s my heart
at least a major part

To prove our love
is indestructible
it’s elementary
we’re tax deductible

I love my accountant
he’s often in my dreams
tax breaks and loopholes
and loan repayment schemes

To prove our love
I’ll give you all of me
here take my heart
but not my salary

I’ll give you love
but the point is moot
it’s elementary
keep your hands off my loot

I’ll give you a bill for
the time and money spent
please keep all papers
and other documents

I’ll give you all of me
reluctantly
so here’s my heart
at least a major part

To prove our love
is indestructible
it’s elementary
we’re tax deductible

To prove our love
I’ll give you all of me
here take my heart
but not my salary

I’ll give you love
but the point is moot
it’s elementary
keep your hands off my loot

LobsterStop The World (I Want to Get Off)

I’ve had enough boy bands, white hip-hoppers, angry metalheads,
kiddy disco-poppers and biographies of children barely out of their teens
And likewise enough talk shows populated by people
who can’t even walk in a straight line, let alone talk about it
I’ve had enough talent contents for the criminally unskilled, enough edutainment,
entermation, casting tv shows, content-free investigations;
enough real-life documentaries to last until the end of civilisation,
if it hasn’t happened already!

Stop the world I want to get off
that’s it for me I’ve had enough
the man in charge has made a
downright mess of it
stop the world – return my cash
Big G – give me my money back
got too much information
and I want less of it

I’ve got lifestyles of the rich and braindead coming out of my ears,
hagiographies of non-entities, autobiographies of anteaters,
On-the-spot reports from hysterics in Hollywood
who wouldn’t know culture from the rear end of a dead dodo.
I’ve got celebrity chefs telling me how to flambe just so,
lifestyle advisors telling me how to make myself over,
personal trainers devising a fitness programme just for me!
I’ve got aging actors selling magic get-rich-quick fruit blenders to help me lose weight while I sleep!

Stop the world I want to get off
that’s it for me i’ve had enough
the man in charge has made a
downright mess of it Stop the world return my cash
Big G – give me my money back
got too much information
and I want less of it!
I’ve had enough aspirational sit-coms, canned laughter,
family entertainment controlled by gangs of macho fascists frightened of their own mothers!

I’ve had enough quiz shows and quorums to last till my next incarnation,
I’ve had enough in-depth on-the-spot fly-on-the-wall investigations of toilet cleaners
– Draino – does it really clean right round the bend? I’ll say it does...
I’ve had enough holiday programmes that tell me
all in all I’m better off staying at home where at least the natives speak English!

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