Radio Stars / Songs For Swinging Lovers

1. Good Personality
2. Is It Really Neccessary
3. The Beast of Barnsley
4. Nervous Wreck
5. Nothing Happened Today
6. Eric
7. Don't Waste My Time
8. Arthur is Dead Boring
9. Macaroni'n'Mice
10. Nice Girls
11. Talking Bout You
12. Buy Chiswick Records

Good Personality
I know a Iittle girl who's not very pretty
but it doesn't bother me because
l know she's got good personality.
She looks like a parrot with a nose like a carrot;
yes, a beak like a leek and a spine that's weak,
but good personality.
Her looks, they are a tragedy
redeemed by personality.
No, she doesn't have much In the way of looks
but I never her face 'cos it's hidden in books.
That's good personality.

She looks kinda scruffy, you should see her clothes
and she ain't Bardot but she doesn't know it shows her good personality.
Well, I don't care about the way she looks shoddy
cos I'm after her mind and not her body, man -
that's good personality.
I don't care when things get tough,
She telIs me jokes and similar stuff.
Ha Ha. People say she looks so rough
but I don't care cos she's got enough of that good personality.
That's good personality.

I don't care about the clothes she wears
about the wear and tear or the state of her hair
cos when I'm with her I'm walking on air
cos I know her IQ is way up there.
She's got good personality.

Is It Really Necessary?
You can try it underneath or leave it round
the back cover it with silver paper or
lose It In a sack. You can plant it by the exit and hope a passer
takes it or leave it in the cupboard where no one will
suspect it. It all seems quite impressive really, but is it really necessary?
We can do ourselves a favour and poke it
though the fence. It will just annoy
the neighbours the hell to (sic) the expense. You can
hide it on the living room wall, it'll merge in with the
pattern. If someone asks what are those rings, you can say that one is Saturn. It all seems quite
impressive really and so on.

The Beast Of Barnsley
He did naughty things to innocent women. He crept up from behind and they didn't hear him coming - in the middle of the night. (In the middle of the night). His life was a mess, his wife he deceived her - Mum considered chopping Beasty's head off with a cleaver but she didn't think it right. No, she knew it wasn't right. He's the beast, he's the beast - he's the beast of Barnsley. (What a naughty boy!) Let's tell the world about the evil surrounding - condemn him out of hand, he's not fit to go on living, he's a creature of the night (He's a creature all right). It's in your own good that we bring to your attention the ways of this man and campaign for his detention (and our sales are all right. Yes, our sales are all right). He's the beast, he's the beast - he's the beast of Barnsley. What a Beast - oh what a Beasty.

Nervous Wreck
(You) destroyed my confidence, you broke my nerve. I've gone to pieces, now this I don't deserve. Wish you could see what you're doing to me - you made me a nervous wreck. My hands are twitching and I can't settle down. My scalp is itching and my eyes roll around; I chew my nails right down to the quick - you made me a nervous wreck. Now I've endured for years and years your tricks and your games: my confidence is long gone. You said you'd changed but it's always the same - is this love? I don't think so... (Electroencephalograph - plug it in my brain).  I've been around through thick and thin, now what can I say? my mental health is long gone. You said you'd change but it's always the same - is this love? I don't think so... I know  in future this won't happen again. I'll close my eyes and I'll just count to ten. And when I'm tempted then I know I'll resist cos you made me a nervous wreck and so on.

Nothing Happened Today
Nothing happened today. Damn all. Not a sausage. Bugger all.

Eric
Eric don't go around no more. Eric closing his own front door. Eric caught by the silver screen and he don't know why. Eric listen to latest news. Eric find it so hard to choose. Eric caught by the silver screen and he don't know why. Eric - he was one of the best. Eric - he was unlike the rest. Eric he is ready to drop but he just can't stop. Eric live in a world his own. Eric never pick up his phone. Eric caught by the silver screen and he don't know why. Eric never had any friend. Eric never his ways he mends. Eric caught by the silver screen and he don't know why. Eric... Eric never communicate. Eric hardly can love or hate. Eric caught by the silver screen and he don't know why. Eric working all day and night. Eric never see nothing right. Eric caught by the silver screen and he don't know why. Eric...

Don't Waste My Time
I say you're a liar but you don't understand. You've got it on a plate but you want it in your hand. Don't you always tell me 'bout the queue for you hand - by now there must be thousands just awaiting your command. Don't waste my time, it's the only thing I have. Don't waste my time, leave me lonely: if I need your loving then I need it like a hole in the head. I'm going independence, starting out on my own. I guess I've waited for so long my brains have turned to bone. Now we've reached the limit I won't be coming home: never want to see you, even all you on the phone. Don't waste my time… Sunday morning - you say you're leaving; Tuesday morning - you say we're even. Thursday morning - not departed; soon we'll be on our way. Don't waste my time…

Arthur Is Dead Boring
He's dead, he's dead, he's dead as a duck. He's OD'd on cheese and similar muck. He's gone, he's gone and my eyes ain't red. Yes - he's deceased, Elvis is dead. What can I say, he was a terrible sight - it doesn't matter to me, he gave me no delight. (Let's rot). Arthur is dead, boring. (Let's rot). Arthur is dead boring. (Let's rot). Arthur is dead boring. Arthur is a stiff. Go man go! (He's gone man gone) oh Arf, not 'arf, you don't do me wrong I never bought your records, I never lined your purse - you gave your kingdom for a hearse. (Let's rot). Arthur is dead boring…. Arthur is way down.

Macaroni And Mice
Hepatis, duty free lighters - brought em all back from a foreign land. Snails in wine and such are fine if you come from the country of Yves Montand. Be that as it may, I have to say - macaroni and mice, boiled eggs and lice, it'll make you think twice as much as bangers and mash, eat beans for a dash - it'll make you think twice, it's lovely! Eating bowels that are stuffed with spleen will make you turn green, or even blue. You're taking a chance if you eat chow mein because the average doggie is hard to chew. Macaroni and mice…

Nice Girls
(Ever since I was Anna Neagle…) Some love sailors so they say. Not the ones who've gone astray. We just hope they're here to stay. They don't point or cause commotion. Tight control of all emotion. A girls best friend's her suntan lotion. Down on your luck and you're looking for a treat you need a nice girl. Simple in mind, they're so wholesome and sweet - they're always around - just keep tracking them down. Pleasing us in little ways - brInging light to dreary days. Treat them well, you know it makes sense. Hanging on our every word to such a degree, it's quite absurd. (Of such things we never heard!) Down on your luck… Small in the brain but large in the seat - they're always around just keep tracking them down.

Talking Bout You
Let me tell you 'bout a girl I know.
I met her walkin' down a uptown street.
She's so fine, you know I woosh she was mine.
I get shook up every time we meet.

I'm talkin' 'bout you.
Nobody but you.
Yeah, I do mean you.
I'm just tryin' to get a message to you.

Let me tell you about a girl I know.
I tell ya now she looks so good.
Got so much skills, such a beautiful build.
She oughta be somewhere in Hollywood.

I'm talkin' 'bout you.
Nobody but you.
Come on, give me a cue.
So I can get a message to you.

Let me tell you about a girl I know.
She's sittin' right here by my side.
Lovely indeed that why I asked if she'd,
Promise me someday she will be my bride.

I'm talkin' 'bout you.
I do mean you.
A-nobody but you.

Buy Chiswick Records
Oh, go buy Chiswick records 'cos they're really rather fun.
Go buy them by the dozen or go buy them by the one.
Go buy Chiswick records and give yourself a treat.
You can keep them all forever 'cos they're good enough to eat.

We know they're all Irish but please don't make a fuss.
They don't come from Chiswick but they're just as good as us.
We know you'll love the records, so get them while they're cheap
because you know the way Inflation rises.

Go buy Chiswick records - boy, do we need em' now.
It's the vinyl solution to your problems, oh and how.
Ignore the competition and forget all the rest.
Go buy Chiswick Records because Chiswick are best.

We know they're all Irish…

Home / to top